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Why can’t I feel you in my worst time? I know that you exist! If you didn’t, I wouldn’t have gotten as far as I have.
So where are you? Are you hiding from me? Have I scared you away? I do wallow a lot and feel sorry for myself. Maybe you have grown tired of watching me as you try to help. I wouldn’t blame you if you did! I have grown tired of watching myself! I cry, I laugh, I feel down, I feel happy; it’s a NEVER ENDING emotional roller coaster that I go through! And why? Because I am too busy feeling scared and sorry for myself. I try to act as if all is ok in my world in front of people. Then when I am alone, I cry. I cry and wonder why I am in the predicament that I am. Who put me there? I DID!!! But why? Why didn’t I listen to my mother? Why didn’t I listen to my mother’s friends? Why didn’t I listen to my friends’ mothers?
I’ll tell you why! Because I thought I knew EVERYTHING!!! I thought I was invincible and I had it all down pact! Now I sit in my home alone feeling sorry for myself and crying out all of these questions! I hate myself!! I shouldn’t even be alive!! I am still alive because for some unknown reason God wants me here!! I guess even he doesn’t find me useful enough in his kingdom yet! He’s probably staring down at me thinking what a pitiful person I look like!
Well, here I am God! Do what you want! I will just wait until you decide that I am good enough to take to your home! In the meantime, I will just continue to wallow. I will lick my wounds and try to pick up all of my messy pieces. MY pieces! Would you like to help me God?
