The alarm woke him but all he could do was drag himself out of bed for another day living a lie. The water was cold splashing against his face, but at least now he felt something that was real. As he silently walked through the motions of a life that just became harder and harder with each passing breathe, he felt the weight of the world on his shoulders. Eating alone at a table meant for more became a moment of absolute dread he just needed to avoid. Jace knew there was only one way out and he was willing to take it.

The air was frozen making his every motion stiff and forced as he met the day head on. The mustang sprang to life in the still of the morning fighting off the cold just as much as he was. The sun was not yet awake enough to overtake the moon, but the horizon was bright enough to tell that dawn was on its way. He took the step and drove in to the light against the horizon.

The fog descended all around him, surrounding everything he knew. The haze took over only leaving a shadow of white reflecting from the headlights. It changed then. The fog took shape the haze grew thicker. His haunting past rushed by him; images taking shape in his mind displayed in the mist. He wanted to escape them, his pain, his memories. His foot pressed down faster and faster as his frightening memories flew by. He couldn’t go fast enough to escape them all. He closed his eyes trying to remember what it was like just to feel okay. His only way of escape was to just remember, but that memory was taken, lost in the darkness. The fog took control and he just went faster. He lost control.

The fog lifted and the world began to wake. No one knew his pain; no one saw those shadows take over. For him the pain was worth it, no matter how much it hurt he knew he needed to escape it. His memory floated in the mist finally free of all his pain; it was his only way to escape the grey. But there was something he didn’t know that day in the fog.

He didn’t know his memory would remain; trapped in the dawn before the light of day could take it away.

He didn’t know that I would feel what he felt that day, lost in his own pain.

And I just don’t know if it was worth it.