Time to start over because so much has changed within the years. I have yet to enter a relationship wholeheartedly because my heart is in someone’s hands. I have played with others hearts because apparently I don’t have my own. It has cost me a great deal to get it back but that’s because I wear my heart on my sleeves and continuously let my emotions get the best of me. I’m not discouraged because I know I’m set on doing the right thing. I just don’t know what it is right now and this indifference has me settling. I’ve settled for this mediocre life. I’ve gotten tired of working consistently on the goals I set. Once I don’t see results in a short period of time, I give up. But that’s just not the way to live. I realize this and it’s what keeps me grounded. I’ve learned to keep trying even if I feel I’ve already failed. It doesn’t matter how long it takes, we have to make it to the finish line. The price I’ve had to pay for giving up is way too high. I keep setting myself back but for the first time I’ve been able to recognize my mistakes. Had I not acknowledged these areas I need to work on, I would not change. It’s a constant battle but it’s one of my own. I need to throw the baggage out and push against the wall. The only one that can help us move mountains is God. That is why I trust that he will see me though all of this.
My sons will have God’s favor over his life. I will finish school and that will help me get by. I’m not worried about a love life because I realize that is found in all the relations God puts in our lives. Whether it’s from blood or from those he puts in our lives. My focus is to be true to myself. Because the facade is brining pain to others but most of all, myself.