In front of me a range of tabs are open on my browser. Clothes to buy for my honeymoon, decorations and bits and pieces for the wedding. And yet I feel I cannot act on them.

How can I act on this, when I fear that my wedding may be unable to go ahead.

May. That's when they said that the virus will hit its peak in the UK. End of May specifically. And that's exactly when my wedding is. They've just strongly advised against travelling to my honeymoon destination. They are stopping mass gatherings, vulnerable people are having to go into lock down, and I am having to sit by and wait and see, no idea how this will all end. Will our grandparents live to get to see us get married? If they do, will they even be allowed to come? Can we even celebrate our marriage with anyone?

I'm devastated at the concept that this may be taken from me. I am angry. I am heartbroken. I have been planning this for the last year and a half. Everything has been so orgnaised and well put together and right now I am so close, it is finally in reach and I can't even get excited about it. I'm just on edge about the whole thing.

It plagues my mind. I know it is such a first world problem, and I know I have so many other issues to be dealing with right now in terms of the impacts, and I know it is justa wedding but damn it. It was my wedding. I just... How can this be happening.

I just want to cry. Constantly. I am consistently on the brink of tears. Neither of us can really bear to talk about it. It's too hard and too painful to contemplate it. We know that we don't know what will happen. But right now, my optimisim has run out. I'm running on empty.

I'm so upset. I just can't put into words how hard this is hitting me.

It's not fair. That's all it is. Unfair.