Its ok to not go out lots, its ok to need time to recover from socialising, Is it normal to wear the mask of confidence and strength outwardly but be insecure and riddled wiith anxiety when being watched i.e when cooking , buildng things doing the gardening?

The person you portray outwardly is not the same as the person who sits alone in the flat. she is confident fierce, whimsical, funny sometimes hy mostly respectful unless disresspected then you are not afraid to stand up for yourself.

at home you can be quiet, shy sometimes wild and crazy, funny what i am trying to say is that all of this is normal.