( Fun Fact; Im usually always hurt. Either it be my neck or back. Sometimes it be the soles of my feet. Recently it was my right knee but it got better though. This damage I am always feeling from day to day is normal to me. One of my, how should I address him, Theatre elder Mr. Fulton? He'll probably hate that I think of him as an elder though but he's old and young so he'll be alright. What was I saying? Oh right! Mr. Fulton, on occasions ask me, playfully, "what's hurting you today giant?". And I would answer him honestly everytime. I would tell him where I'm sore and whats hard to move at that time when asked.
I am not sure if he took me seriously or not. I mean it does seem odd for a black guy in his late 20's to be having all these problems with his body right?

It's normal to me though. Like I know why I'm hurting like this so much.
I FUCKING WORK. Almost every job I had for the pass 10 years it included HARD LABOR. Not that I didn't like it since it was kinda a free workout and kept me in... decent shape for the most part. However I could feel myself pushing myself too hard somedays. More than I realized.

One time I had my job in the am from like 6am to 11am then I had to go to classes, not one but multiple, from like 12n-5pm and finally rehearsals from 6pm till the last actor stop asking questions for the director that doesn't need the rest of us to stay and fucking listen to...... So like 6pm to 9 or 10pm mostly. And this is not even including tech week.
After I graduted college, I manage to get 4 different jobs at once;

Working Mon-Fri in the am doing deliveries in Manhattan on a bike during winter then in the afternoon doing the afterschool program as a glorified babysitter for middle school nigglets in St. Albans. Loved those kids though. Hopefully they are all good and well.
Then weekends Ill either be working at the Black Spectrum Theatre or Front of House at Mighty Quinns, sometimes both.

Literally working every day out the week during that time. I have never took time off for a vacation for me though before, not once. If I ever took time off it was because I was attending someone else's event of their celebration. And these be people I hardly know, but they a friend of the family or relative that I only see when I get dragg out the house to see them by my mother.

So now Im finally getting paid below average money now as a supervisor at a warehouse full time, instead of having multiple part time jobs and/or gigs. I got a job offer for literally double to what I make now annually. More than I ever made. However I dont wanna take this job now when Im expecting a child, my first child, next month. So it's like, stay with this current job so I can get my bonus next week and my paternity leave next month or leave this job for the better paying job with more benefits without getting my paternity leave... Im getting that bonus fuck otta here. That's all i can really think about honestly. My girlfriend is not making life easy for me at all lately, or at all for the pass year or basically most of covid. If I take this job Ill be doing it for my daughter so it's worth it.... If only if I had some help from my girl in building a home instead of just having one to have one.

This phyical damage is easy to carry. Been doing it for years. This mental pain though, the thoughts of me failing, is getting heavier by the day. And no one is helping me to carry it. It's almost if Im suppose to always be angry. )