The Daily Beast reports new details have emerged regarding the Christmas Eve domestic violence attack on InfoWars conspiracy theorist host Alex Jones - by his wife Erika Wulff Jones. During the attack, Jones called police, and his wife then attempted to flee as they arrived, striking at least one policeman in the process. The police report also stated that Jones claimed his wife struck him at least once with a bottle of shampoo, causing a severe "burning to his eyes.”

Well, well! Sounds like these two were having themselves a very “Methie Little Christmas.” So the question is, do women have to be insane psychopaths to marry Alex Jones, or do they become insane psychopaths - because they’ve married Alex Jones? I mean, she beat the poor guy all about his “Head and Shoulders.” Not surprisingly, she’s claiming she didn’t know the shampoo bottle was loaded. Makes you wonder, where was that “good guy with a shampoo bottle” while this shampoo attack was going down?

Why, an attack like this puts Jones’ wife in direct competition with “Rand Paul’s neighbor.” The thing I can’t get over is - she actually attacked him with a bottle of shampoo, which made his “eyes burn.” I hate to sound critical, but let’s get real here. This entire situation could have been avoided - had Jones simply thought ahead, and had plenty of Johnson’s No More Tears® Baby Shampoo on hand. Now, as we all know, Jones is a conspiracy theorist - so one has to wonder if the shampoo contained any secret “tracking devices.”

Of course, there’s really no excuse for hitting someone with a bottle of shampoo. I mean, for God’s sake - doesn’t anyone use rolling pins or cast iron skillets anymore? I’ll tell you what, from this point on, he’d damn sure better sleep with one eye open, because if he thinks she was pissed before - she's really gonna be pissed now. One thing’s for sure, this oughta be enough to make you think twice about wanting to “keep up with the Joneses.”

If you’ve enjoyed what you’ve just read, please consider joining me at:
Johnny Robish Comedy