Republicans in North Carolina are moving to outlaw “Participation Trophies,” with State Sen. Timothy Moffitt introducing the "Eliminate Participation Trophies Act" (SB 430). The bill reads, "Youth sports or other youth recreation activities operated under the authority of a local government shall not include awards for participants based solely on their participation in the sport or other activity," the proposed law states. "Awards provided in connection with the activity, if any, shall be based on identified performance achievements.”

Terrific move, Repubs! Yet another instance of the Republican party being laser-focused on the issues that really make a difference in people’s lives. Wow, is this seriously the most pressing issue in North Carolina for elected officials to address? Come on, why this? Are there no little puppies to kick or no tiny kittens to drown? I guess we don’t even need to ask what they really think about organizations like the “Special Olympics.” That said, I get where they’re coming from on all this. After all, they don’t want voters to start taking them seriously and expect them to legislate something of real value to citizens.

My guess is North Carolina might be angling for that coveted “Worst Carolina” trophy? I mean, if they’re so opposed to “Participation Trophies,” then just what the hell do they think all their “Confederate monuments” are anyway? Are we to assume this means no more Confederate flags can fly in the state? After all, we only celebrate the “winners,” not the damn “losers.” Of course, having no Confederate flags will sure take all the fun out of their Monster Truck events. Oh well, I guess they’ll always have their "I Participated in the Jan 6th Insurrection" T-shirts to give them street cred.

Now let me get this straight, kids are getting shot in classrooms all the time, yet Republicans wanna save them from “Participation Trophies?” OK, but what I don’t understand is just how Republicans intend to enforce this law? I mean, will they have “monitors” in school classrooms and gymnasiums ready to confiscate "awards" if its decided the child really hasn’t done enough to deserve it? Will armed SWAT teams forcibly burst into students’ homes and bedrooms and yank these trophies off these kids’ desks and dressers? Only your “small government” Republican legislators know for sure, folks.

If you’ve enjoyed what you’ve just read, please consider joining me at:
Johnny Robish Comedy