At a rally this past weekend in Philadelphia, Donald Trump received quite a mixed reaction to his announcement that he’s now going to be selling “$399 Gold Sneakers” to his adoring fans, which surprisingly set off quite a bit of booing from his usually faithful audience. Ever the snake oil showman, Trump tried to dismiss all the boos by simply saying, “Wow, there is a lot of emotion in this room.”

Oh my! You mean after all the fines and losses in court, Trump has now been demoted from billionaire to shoe salesman? And you say he’s been selling sneakers that look like they’ve been spray-painted gold? Why, “bless his sole!” Now, in his defense, word has been spreading around greater Trumpistan, that these golden sneakers are especially comfortable for those who may be suffering from those pesky “bone spurs.”

Gee, wonder where Trump’s getting his inventory from, anyway? Naturally, we all know Trump can instantly tell he tell where to get the best “golden showers,” but who could have guessed he also knew where to get golden sneakers? Wonder where he got the idea? Did it come to him in a Moscow hotel room? Wait! It just occurred to me. Trump’s in Philadelphia. Maybe he stole the shoes from Rocky Balboa?

Now, what I don’t get is how these MAGAs, who are always whining about how the Biden economy is in such shambles that they can’t even afford to buy gas, but whenever Trump announces a new grift, these folks just open up their wallets like “price is no object.” Funny how that works. Hey! I have a great idea. Considering how much MAGAs worship the Confederacy - I think it’d be only fitting that they pay for their sneakers - with “Confederate money.”