Cornwall Police Bust Man Caught Trying To Have Sex With Camper: A naked man has been busted trying to lower himself to have sex with the tow bar of a camper van on a busy, well-lit street in Cornwall, England. Wow, I’ve been around for a long time, but this is the first time I’ve ever heard of a camper van getting “Cornwalled.” Not surprisingly, the man tried telling police he was hoping to get hitched. Talk about looking for love in all the wrong places. Somebody needs to tell this guy that this is NOT how you hot-wire a vehicle. Why if that van had accidentally slipped into gear, the poor guy wouldn't have known if he was cumin or goin. And come on, what a loser - I mean, everyone knows Airstreams are way hotter than camper vans.

States Encouraged to Consider South Dakota’s Sobriety Program: States are being encouraged to consider implementing South Dakota’s highly successful 24-7 sobriety program, in which alcohol abusers and drug addicts are required to blow into a breathalyzer twice a day for three years in order to remain free instead of being incarcerated. OK fine, but then what are they gonna have the sex addicts blow into?

Adele’s “25” Album Breaks Another US Sales Record: A tracking service determined that Adele’s new album “25” - a followup to her previous albums “21 and “19” - is breaking all records, selling more than one million albums in the United States in its second week. Personally, I can’t wait till her “65” album comes out when - instead of love songs - she’ll be singing about urinary track disorders and the effectiveness of hip replacement procedures.