Massachusetts Plans Rattlesnake Colony on Uninhabited Island: A plan by the state of Massachusetts to establish a colony of venomous timber rattlesnakes on an off-limits island located just off Massachusetts' largest body of water, is causing concerns among some local residents, who fear that the serpents, who can also swim - will pose a serious danger to hikers, fishermen and hunters.

Gee, I had no idea we were running out of rattlesnakes. Now, as much as I love wildlife, I’ll be the first to admit that when I think about things our society desperately needs in year 2020, “more venomous snakes” would never have made my list. One thing’s for sure, all this government-subsidized rattlesnake housing, is sure leaving residents a bit rattled.

Gee, and while they’re at it, perhaps Massachusetts might also consider establishing a colony of snake-handling Pentecostals on the island too? I mean, come on! Who loves rattlesnakes more than those fun-loving Pentecostals?

Why, these folks love rattlesnakes so much, they can’t stop kissing and hugging them. Now, while I’m certainly no herpetologist, but having a Pentecostal colony on the island sure sounds like a win-win to me - not only for the snakes, but for all the rest of us also.

Johnny Robish Comedy