A new bill proposed by twenty-one South Carolina Republican lawmakers would make women who get an abortion in that state eligible for the death penalty under a proposed “South Carolina Pre-Natal Equal Protection Act.” The bill would “afford equal protection of the laws to all pre-born children from the moment of fertilization” and reclassify any act that ends a pregnancy as “willful prenatal homicide.”

Because nothing says you’re “Pro-Life,” quite like the death penalty. That’s right, these folks intend to elevate the “sanctity of human life,” by killing actual people. Of course, Republicans will say the bill is actually no big deal, and that all they are really asking women to do is “Behave like good little Christian women - or we’ll have to kill you!” Is that too much to ask?

Now, to be completely fair, let’s be honest and point out that it isn’t as if Republicans are insisting women wear long, ankle-length red dresses with high collars, a white-winged bonnet, and a pair of white gloves. Why - that bill probably won’t even come before the legislature until the late fall. So, as our Republican Christian Nationalist friends might put it, “just relax, sweetheart!”

Now, if Republicans are seriously looking for someone to punish over abortions, I suggest they might start with God. Fact is, God is actually the “world’s leading abortionist.” That’s because at least 15% of all first trimester “clinically recognized pregnancies” (those confirmed by a healthcare provider) end in miscarriage, also known as a “spontaneous abortion.” And those are just the “confirmed” miscarriages.

Of course, some may ask, how can these charlatans live with themselves killing women for simply seeking reproductive medical care? Well, that’s easy enough; they’ll execute ‘em on Saturday, pray for forgiveness on Sunday - then repeat as necessary. Perhaps THE most frightening part of all this is - if they can actually pass a law like this, then they can make it retroactive. How? Because there’s no statute of limitations on “murder.”

If you’ve enjoyed what you’ve just read, please consider joining me at:
Johnny Robish Comedy