I went to sleep at 4am. I was too busy fucking thinking about you. Laying there waiting next to my phone waiting for you to reply to me. Every thought I had about you was swirling around at that time, just waiting for me to pounce and confess everything. I ended up being impatient and writing you a whole paragraph about everything I was concerned about for the past two months. I didn't know what to expect... you to sympathise with me? You to apologise and pour your heart out too? I even had the audacity to say "be honest with me, please" How fucking dare me. It's as though I didn't trust you. I just wanted you to tell me you were seeing someone else. "Hey sorry I'm seeing someone. You don't interest me anymore". That's what I wanted you to say. Why couldn't you just man up and say it?. Instead you threw the 'sorry been busy' text and I had to sit there and read it and believe you. Busy huh? Busy when I 've tried to be so open with you three times in the past month and you wouldn't fucking do the same? Busy when you were texting her asking if her phone died? Busy talking to everyone else except for me. Real fucking busy. I would of understood it. You know I would of. I told you countless times that I meant every word that I say and how much I care about you and how much I think you deserve the world. Why couldnt you just say a simple thing to me. I didn't deserve this. Not at all. But yet I felt so BAD for even asking you all this. I'm there at 4am, bawling my eyes out telling you 'im sorry that I'm like this' 'im sorry you dont deserve this', yet you should of been the one saying 'sorry that I don't love you the same way, sorry that I don't know how to communicate'. You know what..... i'm right! YOU DONT DESERVE THIS. You don't deserve me. I'm way too good of a person to have you make me fucking question myself and start to feel bad for having any of these feelings. How dare you make me feel so bad for simply feeling so much. I did everything I could, and the last thing I should of done was wish you luck and say goodbye. Instead I was the one who told you I was sorry. It really should of been the other way around. (sigh)

I woke up at 7am. I couldn't go back to sleep because of how much I was thinking of what you had just said to me 'sorry I haven't been talking to you, didn't know I needed to'. Every good thing you ever said to me had flew out the window at this point. If you told me you cared about me like you did, and told me you thought about me, and told me you loved me, and wanted me, you would of damn right showed me. I got it from that text. Just that one text "didn't know I needed to" set me straight. I had to tell myself thats it. Be done with him now. Move the fuck on.. he's not going to give the truth. Your only hurting yourself. He wouln't agree to call, he wouldnt agree to 'talk more', he would not have sympathised with you. At all. Wake up! He does not care about you. What else do you want from him to make you believe that??????. Nothing. Go back to sleep now.....