When you get married you never actually think that you will be one of the high percentages of couples that don't make it. It just doens't seem like a possibility, otherwise, why bother with it all?

Let me be honest.
Getting married was a pain in the ass. I was with my boyfriend for over four years, and we lived together for this time as well, so when he asked me to marry him, it seemed only logical to make our relationship official to the world. It always seemed so petty saying things like, "This is my boyfriend..." When he was really so much more serious to me than that, I was in my mid twenties and he was in his late twenties, so it just seemed right. Neither of us really cared for the whole big wedding thing but our families did, so we did it up right.

"What flowers do you want?" -I don't care. Do I have to have them?

"Let's go dress shopping" -Okay, if I have to.

"What are your colors?" -I don't know, what are yours?

"You have to plan the seating and menu" -Let them eat cake.

I was the worst most indecisive bride ever. Not because I was trying to be a pain in the ass, but because I just didn't care. I wanted to be with my guy and that was the extent of my knowledge. Maybe that is a bad omen when you don't actually care about things like weddings?

Thousands of dollars later we were married. We had a short ceremony because neither of us can stand sitting through weddings ourselves; we decided that we wouldn't do that to our friends and families. WIthin twenty minutes we were husband and wife.

Then there was the name changing business. It took me months to get it done! It was a hastle at work, at our banks, for my bills, for the University I attended, the DMV, and the social security office. What a nightmare!

I have had my husband's last name for over two and a half years now and I am not sure how much longer I will be carrying it. We love eachother. He is the same person he was when I said my vows, but I am not. I am not even close to being the same person. The new version of me tries daily to remember why we did this to begin with, but the further I stray the longer I want to stay gone.

Home used to be in his arms and now I cringe when he touches me. I see it destroying him.

So what do you do when you love someone but you can't love them the way they need anymore?