Like a fool, the signs were there and I ignored them all. I am a glutton for punishment. Love has a worse withdrawal than any drug, I'm addicted to the idea my father created for me, the idea that I can really and truly rely on a man; anyone for that matter. To be praised while being told nothing can happen is the sickest conundrum I’ve ever experienced, I love you but I don’t. My stomach aches a pain I’ve long felt, she’s all too familiar to me now. He says I’m the whole package, what good is that if nobody opens up the box? Am I doomed to remain in this dreary cycle all my life? How can I be a keeper if they never intend to keep me? How am I never the problem but the only common denominator? Life gets harder every day, acting gets harder every day; playing the role the people love to see, it’s exhausting. I don’t want to be strong anymore, I don’t want to feel anything. Pain is a blackhole, I’ve never fought her and won; she consumes a piece of me with every battle lost. I wonder how he could swear he cares and still break me, after all the things I shared with him. How could he hurt me so? How can you look me in my eyes and tell me how special I am just to follow it up with ambient noise? It doesn't matter, I trust in the universe even if she occasionally betrays me; faith is holding me together by a thread and that thread is thinning out. I didn’t snap this time, you never know when the seam will burst and now I am terrified. All because I saw you with rose-colored glasses, like a fool.