write
I started this year with my first salary job right
(We not doing spell checks tonight)
I got the job Nov of 2022
Finally left that fucking warehouse job for yet another fucking warehouse job. I was hired as a inventory coordinator
Or a fucking scavenger for random fucking goods
(Atleast they paid a lil more)
Only to get terminated not even 3 months later in Feb
(We got fired by a black guy during black history month)
Now, ever since then Ive been doing my best to find work
Like everyday Ive been outside working for someone
FUCKING WEEKDAYS AND WEEKENDS
Kinda scared cause I help two of my highschool friends move back in with their parents
Thinking shit bout to happen to me
Cause fuck the rent in NYC
Im struggling to find a stable job and freaking the fuck out
Like my finace dont work
(We got engage by the way)
Im paying rent alone
Im paying all bills besides the electric bill
(Which she pays somehow)
Working at the theatre again, fuckin thankfully
Working as a independent contractor at my old fucking job
Working as an actor for a play I got casted in
(Lowkey kinda happy bout that one though)
I mean it dont pay a lot but fuck I cant be picky
I trying to get my Osha 40 so I can get some contruction job
(Dont know if we spelled that right)
Like I dont get why I cant just get this shit right
...its fucking annoying
Fuck being on the verge of being broke broke
Im dealing with new info on why my childhood was so fuck cause my mother left my birth father for my hood father but left my hood father and told me he isnt my real father but had no idea where my birth father was and yet I didnt meet him until I was 23.
Had a good decade trying to figure out why none of my fathers wanted me.
After my mother told me my hood father wasnt my real father
My hood father NEVER EVER actaully talk to me about it ...
(Until we asked him few days ago)
Turn out my mother may have mislead me into thinking my hood father never wanted me. He told me that wasnt true but how do I know if it is or not cause he didnt reach out this whole time either
I didnt speak or see this man for over a decade and never knew why he just .... left.....
He said it was because of my mother
Ma claims he wasnt ready for me
And me trying to deal with that shit
I remember something I did not think about for years...
Actually someone (we feel like a real ass too)
My hood father's son..... In a way I kinda left him too
(In his eyes Im still his older brother that just.... left)
He didnt know any of this shit. And I feel like I hurt him because I was so stuck in my own head with both mommy and daddy issues
(this some shit)
... so yeah... this year fucking sucks so far.
Guess that makes me the oldest of 9 kinda..... always wanted to have a bigger brother and somehow I fucking suck at this shit too.
