I'm sorry.

It feels so empty saying this to you like this. I never thought I'd write this for you, I didn't know that so easily I'd lose to myself.

Even though I know this isn't 'the end', it could be. It could be one of the last few things I ever write about you. I doubt it though. More likely you'll get more writing now than you ever did before.

I'm sorry.
I wasn't good enough, and nor were we.
I'll be kicking myself about letting you go, potentially for the rest of my life. You're the happiness I should have. You're the happiness I seem intent on not allowing myself.
The problem is, that I feel your pride means more to you than me. The problem is that you struggle with I'm sorry and you haven't the ability to say 'I was wrong'. The problem is that you have to be the best, at everything. The problem is that you fell in love with me so fast I struggled to keep up. But I always did manage. But it always was difficult. I spent my whole time guessing, and second guessing if I loved you enough. If I could ever love you enough.
The problem is, you have a double standard that you can't see. The problem is that you see issues as made by me. The problem is it's either my fault, or our fault, but I am always somehow to blame. The problem is, you lie. The problem is you don't flinch when you lie. The problem is that you avoid new things. The problem is you won't try new things, not even once. the problem is you won't 'wait and see'. The problem is that you said NOTHING when I was feeling insecure, and when questioned you said to me that I 'always say that'. The problem is that if this is two years, what will 10 look like. The problem is that I see more problems and milestones, than kisses in the kitchen at 2am.

The problem isn't that you are not good enough. The problem is that I am not good enough for what you want me to be. The problem is:
I am
never
good
enough.