Twenty Condors Completely Trash Woman’s Deck in Tehachapi: While there are estimated to be approximately only 160 condors left in the wild in California, a Tehachapi Mountain resident came home last Monday to find that a full 20 or so of them (all adolescents) decided to turn her condo’s wooden deck into their new hang-out, which is now completely trashed and covered in white excrement as thick as concrete.

So, these rascal birds have turned this poor woman’s condo balcony into a condor “poop deck?” What the flock? These condors aren’t in the Navy. On the other hand, if really she doesn’t want the birds to continue making a big mess when they poop, why not just leave some toilet paper out for them? Now, I’m certainly no ornithologist, but I do know that when it comes to condor gatherings - sh*t happens. Especially, when you live in a “seedy” neighborhood. Wonder what the “condor fees” are for her unit anyway?

Neighbors say she initially tried to scare them off by shaking a stick at them, but she soon discovered there were “more condors than you could shake a stick at.” Another neighbor suggested “playing loud music to try and scare them off,” but I seriously doubt if that would work. These are obviously the kind of birds that are into heavy metal. Frankly, if you’re really serious about not attracting condors to your home, then how about stop leaving goat carcasses out on your patio?

When questioned about the incident, the woman told reporters she had no idea why these condors would choose her deck to congregate, but once you realize that the birds responsible for trashing her deck were basically “condor teenagers,” it doesn’t take a genius to figure out exactly what’s going on. Why, these are “juvenile delinquent” condors. Next thing you know - they'll be throwing keg parties and wearing togas. After all, “birds just wanna have fun! Ooooh, birds - just, wanna have fun! Anyway, I’d love to continue, but frankly - this story is nothing to crow about.

Johnny Robish Comedy