A question I have been asking myself alot lately is- Is it better to do the easier thing by to faking a smile and act like everything is fine and having no one worry about you or is it better to tell the truth about whats really going on and risk everything?

Lately and most of the time I think that it is better to to fake qa smile and act like everything is fine because, talking about what is going on lately has just made me feel 100 times worse. And sometimes lieing and saying that things are fine is the only way to get by because, it's just to painful to explain whats wrong and let someone in and show them that you feel broken\empty\wanting-to-scream on the inside.

Or maybe it's easier because, that way you don't end up getting hurt when they leave in the end.

Or maybe it's easier because, you never have to face the fear of letting that person in and giving them the opportunity to break your heart.

Or maybe it's easier because, the only people that you wanted to talk to have became impossible to talk to lately.

Or maybe it's easier because, the people that you loved and trusted the most have hurt you.

Or maybe it's eaiser because, this way you don't have anyone worring about you.

Or maybe it's eaiser because, this way you can keep going down the downspiral your already going down without anyone trying to stop you.

Or maybe it's easier because, this way you can call the shots.

Or maybe it's easier because, this way you don't have to admit that the one person you cared about the most had hurt you the worst.

Or maybe it's easier because, you can't find the words to explain how you feel anymore.

Or mabye it's easier because, with every question that is anwsered you have 5 more and your sick of everything feeling like it's 1 step foward and 5 steps backwards.

Or maybe it's eaiser because, you feel hopeless and you think things are never going to get any better.

Or maybe it's easier because, telling yourself you don't need someone to talk about makes it so you don't remember that you don't have anyone to talk to.

Or maybe it's easier because, this way you don't get remind of the empty feeling you have in your heart.

Or maybe it's easier because, this way no one knows how broken you really feel are on the inside.

Or maybe it's easier because, this way you can sort of believe that you are ok.

Or maybe it's easier because, you like acting like you are ok because, you feel like no care about you.

Or maybe it's easier because, you can keep on acting like everything is fine and things can keep on going on normally.

Or maybe it's easier because, this way you don't have to admit that you are not ok anymore.

This way makes it so that you are in control of everything that happens. You learn how to manipulate the people around you to make them believe that your fine. That they have nothing to be concerned about. This way you have less of a chance of getting hurt. You protect your broken heart and feed your addiction and go down a downward spiral. Until you have a moment of clarity and you hit the wall. Where you realize that you don't want to live like this anymore. Where you know in your heart that you can't live like this anymore. Where you know that no matter how much it hurts you have to show everyone around who unhealthy you really are. You have to let them, ask for their forgiveness for hiding it all for so long, and ask them for their help to put you back together.

So back to the question-"Is it better to do the easier thing by to faking a smile and act like everything is fine and having no one worry about you or is it better to tell the truth about whats really going on and risk everything?"

So it is easier to act like everything is fine and put on a fake smile for the world to see. You start to hide the tears and the warning signs and put up a mask to and slow change yourself into the person everyone wants you to be. You slow you fall apart more and more until the one day you crack. On this you can't act like your ok anymore everything you have been hiding starts to show. On this day you can't be put be put back together.

But by letting other people your doing the braver and the right thing. Telling the truth and let people in from the beginning is one of the hardest things to do. To fight every urge to shut everyone out. To start to trusting people no matter how hard and how strong the fear inside your head is. Is the only thing you that you can do prevent your self from falling apart.