Where back to the beginning

Where back to the beginning with the rubber bands and the bubble rap. All the progress that was made is now gone. Now I am justing fighting to get through the day. Just faking smile to act like I am fine and show everyone is going great. So no one worries about me. As I crash and burn on the sides. And it feels like everytime I stop and nothing makes any sense anymore. Part of me tells me to fight everything but, another part of me tells me to run away from it all and to let it win. It tells me that no matter whatever I do I will never be able to get throw it all and I should give up now because, either way I am going to fail anyway. I feel so hopeless and I am sick of everything feeling so pointless. I trying my hardest and things still seem to be getting harder.

I am doing a little bit of both. Sometime I fight everything and keep pushing myself and act like I am fine when I know in my heart that I am not. Everytime I find that I pushing myself to almost my breaking point.

Other times things become way too much to handle that I run away from it all. I hide for alittle while to clear my head. And I have try everything that so post to help but, everytime I talk about what’s going on it leaves me even more lost it feels like no one understands.

But as much as I try to fight everything and hold on trying to make things not fall apart the more it feels like theres no stopping me from going down a down spiral again. I doing everything I can but, it still feels like everything is falling apart. Like I have no control of what is going on and I can't do anything to make things better. That no matter whatever I do it's never good enough. That I try and try but I always fail. I just ready to give up.