I walked in knowing everything that I wanted to say even though I didn't want to talk because, I knew that you couldn't help me but, my heart that needed to talk and there's was no why holding it in wasn't an option. But when I started I couldn't finish. The words became to hard to make out. I already had tears running down my face and my thoughts running at a thousand miles a hour. It became to painful and you became impossible to talk to. You were no help to me. I knew from the begin that you wouldn't be. That's why I stop telling you everything and started lieing to you that I was fine that there was nothing to worry about. Partly because, I didn't want you to be worried about me but, most because, I knew there was nothing that you could do anymore to help and I was sick of you saying I wish there something more I could do to help. At that moment it felt like you didn't care anymore like I was pointless and worthless to you. You gave me the lame excuse of it could be worse. Like I couldn't have thought of that one myself. Then you went back to not caring anymore. You made me feel like I was such a pain to you, but I am confused because, I thought that you were so post to be there for me like you said you would. I should have know. You no longer understand me I felt like you were a thousand miles away but real you were across the room. That's when I lied when you asked me the meaning of "I wanted to give up completely" ment when I said. You made me lie because, I didn't want to be such a pain to you like the others that had told you the truth so I lied because, it was easier is that what you wanted to know. You made me me feel unsafe. I felt like I didn't matter to you anymore. You made me regret ever talking to you in the first place. And it hurt when you told me that I didn't want help. It was a lie on your part why would I have told you part of what was going on if didn't want to help. But now thinking about it you were sort of right about one thing I only wanted you to tell me what the right thing was to do. And I didn't completely want help because, if i did I would have told you the whole truth no matter how much it hurt. I would have told you every word, everything that happen, and every secret I wouldn't have lied. But I didn't tell you everything why because, I still wanted and still want to act like everything is fine and not show anyone how bad things have really been how dark of a depression I am in. I like acting like I am fine. It's a lot easier acting like everything fine then telling you what's really going on. I like having no one worried about me. I like calling the shots. But most of all I like being in control even when I shouldn't be.