IT AIN'T EASY.....

It’s not easy being married….there’s too many rules! Why can’t it be like in the Viking days, when after a long hard day of raiding villages and spearing dragons, you came home to a nice flagon of mead and a hunk of meat? The woman took care of the fire and kept the fleas out of your fur bed. There was an order to things back then, and peace among the sexes.

Then, during the late 1800’s, hormones were infused for the first time in women. It’s believed the hormones came from rogue female wolves that migrated down from Canada. Feminist zombies, called Suffragettes, now lumbered through our peaceful country, and times were about to change. The wives of politicians made their husband’s lives intolerable by joining their sisters in the streets to march and protest for the right to vote and think. Men, at first, thought it was simply a bunch of women having their cramps…..but, it went malignant and soon half the wives of this country started protesting. First, in the all the cities, then the towns, and finally in their own homes, causing the birthrate to decline by 40%.

Well, they finally got the vote in 1920, plus new electric washing machines. Now women started to assert themselves more at home, and in 1923, Elizabeth Hunnydu created the first recorded “Hunnydu list” in America. The name was later modified to “Honey-do list,” but it had nothing to do with bees or melons. Men now had to do degrading stuff in their own sanctuary, like fix things….paint….varnish….plaster and on occasion, saw something. In the good days, you would send several of your ten kids out to do the outside chores while the wife scrubbed the floors and kept things working. Then things changed, (see hormones). But, today, wives are too good to develop honest hard working calluses.

Sorry, but, it was necessary to cite the genealogy of the rise of wifedom up to the current day and time. Being married today, offers a magnitude of opportunities that are not available to single men. Married men are now able to benefit from objective scrutiny and unlimited direction and critique. Wives have a type of mental GPS, that enables them to navigate and find all his short comings and incompetent mistakes, thus saving him vast amounts of think time that can be better spent on accomplishing honey-do list, or pushing her shopping cart at Walmart. I have found that pleasing my wife only requires a lot of silence on my part and an open mind to her creative side, like anything she buys for the house or to wear. Being a good listener is often rewarded with good food, clean sheets and mauve colored towels. I’m still in charge of my own haircuts, bathing and shaving….as it should be. Other than that, I always check the list.

Hubby

DISCLAIMER:
I took a few liberties with the historical facts and may have exaggerated a few vague facts….but, I did it with a pure heart, but, clouded mind.