I write to vent because I don’t know who to talk to. I have all many people around me but I just don’t feel comfortable talking to them. Sometimes I feel like no one actually listens, am I wrong? I had found the perfect person to vent with but things shifted. I guess I made things shift. I was stubborn and just pushed that one person that actually listened away. I don’t blame him but myself, and he has his right to not want to talk to me anymore.
My life sure took a turn, I’m struggling again,u know. It feels like my past years are coming back, where I felt so lost so unhappy with my life. But I do have the chance to change it. Only I can control that. I let people talk me into giving up things that I wanted to hold on to sooo bad, but I gave them up anyway because I feared judgement.
The year of 2017 was rough for me. There were so many emotions going on in my soul that the confusion in my brain did not help it one bit. I wanted to hide, I wanted to push all those emotions away and pretend they never happened, I just wanted to go far away alone. I lost friends that I thought were my friends since I knew them since 5 years ago, but god allowed me to see that they were just all fakes. And I didn’t allow someone amazing to be my friend.
Instruggled with my anxiety more than ever. I just wanted to be alone and stay home all day, but I forced myself to go to school. Not gonna lie I skipped so many classes, and prayed that everything would go right.

This year being 2018, I’m not going to do that whole new year new me, that honestly I think is outdated. This year I’m doing things on my own, not being afraid to deal with life alone. Making decisions on my own and growing as an individual. I’m going to the gym not because of loosing weight but because I’ve always wanted to join one and feel good about exercising (plus I have really bad cardio). I never had the guts because My mind tells me that people are going to just judge me.