Sometimes, on a morning, I think about drowning myself in the sink full of water.
Sometimes, on the way to work, I think about stepping off of the path into oncoming traffic.
Sometimes, on my lunch break, I think about not eating, and continuing to not eat for the rest of my life until my body wastes away.
Sometimes, on the bus home, I think about opening the emergency door and throwing myself out while the bus is moving.
Sometimes, when I'm cooking, I think about opening my wrists up with the knife that I'm using to chop vegetables.
Sometimes, when I'm having a cigarette, I think about holding the lit end closer to my skin and burning myself.
Sometimes, when I'm going to bed, I wish that I won't wake up in the morning.
Instead, on a morning, I look at myself in the mirror and tell myself it's going to be a good day.
Instead, on the way to work, I look up at the sky and smile, say hello to passing strangers, and tell myself it's going to be a good day.
Instead, on my lunch break, I go out and get even more food and eat it all even though I'm not that hungry, and I tell myself it's a good day.
Instead, on the bus home, I sit at the front of the bus and make conversation with the person next to me, they ask if I've had a good day, I tell them that I have, I also tell myself it's been a good day.
Instead, when I'm cooking, I put on music and dance around the kitchen and make more food than I need and feed everyone else too, I tell them I've had a good day.
Instead, when I'm having a cigarette, I use the time to think about the good things that I've done and I tell myself it's been a good day.
Instead, when I'm going to bed, I make myself a hot drink, and read a good book, and reflect on the positive energy I've put into the universe that day. It's been a good day.
Sometimes, I'm having a bad day.
Instead, I tell myself it's going to be a good day.
Sometimes, it works.