It hasn't even been a full month and I still have my emotions tangled up in you. I've been a bad girl. I've been looking at your instagram, been looking at her instagram too, also your friends' instagrams, your brothers', his girlfriends', hell even your brother's girlfriend's dogs instagram. The funniest thing out of all of this is that I myself don't even have an instagram. So what the fuck am I doing? I guess I came to a realisation of yet another reason to why I should drop you, which too goes to show how much of the bigger person that I actually am. So here goes...
RESPECT .. a biography by me :)
For the entire time of our relationship, I always told you that you were amazing, and how much I adored you and valued you as a person. Basically discontinued any flaw you had and chose to treasure every other part of you. It wasn't until now that I realise how much you do not have respect (something I thought you did have the first time we started talking). Not only do I say this because a) you were dating another girl and b) you didn't tell me. But also c) you were sexting me while fucking her and d) you proceeded to drag it out for several months and f) when I said 'honestly if you don't like me just tell me' you just said 'you know I like you silly' which gullible me made me stay. Also g) the girl has a god damn son. Not only were you disrespecting me but you were her and her poor son, and shamely yourself. I still cannot believe the audacity you had to continue all this for so long. It's a shame that you couldn't be a fucking man and own up to your shit when I tried to be an adult and confront you several times. Instead I had to find out you were seeing someone off some god damn instagram posts and snapchat stories. I didn't know it for sure but once I saw her just sitting there and the way she was looking at you.. I just knew. You know that feeling when something in your gut is so strong. This was it. It took me days of looking at your instagram over and over again, for me to find her, find your comments and find her smiling posts of you and her captioned #couple. Why couldn't you just have some respect and break it off with me. How fucking dumb are you! Honestly my thought at first was that I hate her. She had what I wanted. But I guess I was the dumb one in this matter because I should of been pointing fingers at you. I realise now that I feel sorry for her. I wish her luck with the asshole that is you. I hope she finds someone that truly respects her. I couldn't imagine how I would feel if I was her and found out about me. I guess I really am the one with the respect here. I even had the courage to say to you "sorry that I sent you all those things, I would never have out of respect if I knew". Thats it. That sentence alone fixes everything. It shows that I am 1. Honest, 2. Loyal, and 3. Respectful, not only towards you but also to her. I wish you had done the same. I would of appreciated it so much. But I guess I just expected way too much of you.. something that I should of stopped doing a long time ago. I understand now why my expectations were not met. Not only because you didn't have respect, but maybe because you were never taught it. Maybe you were never taught how to reciprocate, communicate, self regulate etc. etc.I don't know.. Maybe you learnt a thing or two from me, Who knows. I will never know.
I've refused to remove every trace of you. For some odd reason I think you'd come back around soon enough that I won't have to delete your photos I still have on my phone. I still keep you as a friend on my snapchat, I still stare at your name thinking maybe I can leave it there because you will message me one day. I'm wrong. I am completely wrong. I guess it takes me to write another blog about you for me to believe that.To delete you. God I hope this is the last one i write... please let it be