We are raised and we get bigger. Without our awareness and our guilt, we lean in the direction of those who groomed us. Straight and tall toward our future selves, into the space when we are supposedly grown up.

It takes years most often to recognize that we didn't become who we are on our own.

We forget that the ones before us were busy with their own problems, they too were learning to break free of what they were chained to.

And then one day, you are expected to deal with the annoying colleague or stranger. And because those before you taught you to be polite and courteous (always a good idea but dangerous in many circumstances), you were ill-prepared. Standing straight in a crowd of people or trees, is difficult, especially when the wind blows against you.

So you keep your own counsel, and those who were trained to take advantage and to look out for themselves (often by those who came before them) do just that. We've all been practicing our entire lifetime. (Tweet This)

The Line is written around a great big pot-hole called The Work, which looks dark and deep. In its depth you see the memories of the parent who couldn't defend you, the partner who ignored you, the colleague who charmed you, the boss who bullied you.

Each pointing out The Line that you must learn to cross to find out what you are worth, to find your voice, to maintain your calm. Each time one of them enters your life it gets easier if you stop to recognize that gut-feeling that something is wrong. Each time pointing your toe, wavering, testing out the ground of how it could be different if you just try.

What a mess we can make when we try. How tangled our feelings can be. How tightly we can hold on to what we are accustomed to. Regardless of how much pain we know it will bring.

That Line, that Work is waiting for each of us.

But what would it feel like to recognize it at a distance, before we were enmeshed, instead to wrap ourselves with the confidence of past experience and this time choosing to be different?

I know for me this is how it was. Allowing myself the pause to know that this someone was not looking out for my best interest. They were busy avoiding their own Line, how to be vulnerable, how to be honest, how to ask for help, how to be kind.

It isn't at all easy. In being the bigger person we're not saying that what someone else has done is okay. Still, we must keep trying to understand their Line especially when it means crossing yours. (Tweet this)

And let me tell you this, that person is out there, the one who knows how to poke at your vulnerability (whether it be that you need the job to put food on the table, or they feel they can step in front of you in line). And hopefully, because of all the other encounters you've had along the way, he/she will matter less to your life, the next time you meet.

You will observe, you will recognize, and you will step away. Because that person is still doing what they know best. (Tweet This). You will sleep well that night.

The colleague you had, the one who got the equal pay but didn't do half your work, if you're lucky the day will come when you won't even remember her last name. Because while you were doing your work, you were also doing The Work, if you know what I mean. (Tweet this)

Next time, more on Practicing.


Stay well, stay kind.